All these characters
July 27, 2008
It could be you didn’t start playing until after college, or during college in a fraternity…for me, though, it was junior year in high school that really set me on the path to a having a regular clan of poker dogs. We’d rotate playing at parents’ houses (those who would let us play), sometimes having to quit way earlier than would even be thinkable by today’s standards (12:30 a.m. - are you serious? The sun just went down a few hours ago!)
High school’s funny, too, because you don’t have very much money to play with, but you also don’t have many financial obligations, either. All I had to worry about was paying for gas (which was about $1.05 a gallon at the time, if that), and coming up with enough for a McDonald’s extra-value meal each day for lunch. I know, I’m sure that’ll come back to bite me at some point, but I’ve been off the junk for years I tell ya (that’s a lie.)
Even so, we’d only play for quarters, but the types of games we were playing, many of which I’ve detailed in other articles, were invented for the sole purpose of beefing up huge pots. So a night of dimes and quarters could easily land you $80-$100 in the hole if you weren’t careful.
And a couple of us regularly weren’t careful. Which brings me around to my character study of the “stereotypes” of my first group of poker buddies. Read along and see which ones you’ve got in your own group…I’m guessing all of them.
The loser: Can also be known as “the sucker,” but the terms don’t go hand-in-hand. Kinda like all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares - well all suckers are losers, but not all losers are suckers. This loser was just a loser, which I guess is more of a compliment than an insult. Anyway, he couldn’t buy a hand. He didn’t bluff but once a year, either, which didn’t help his cause (although to be fair we did play with strict betting limits, so bluffing wouldn’t help as much as a no-limit situation - but it still had its purpose). I really don’t know how else to explain it other than he just couldn’t get the cards. He knew how to play the games and was reasonably intelligent, he just kept getting screwed the the odds. Go figure. Eventually, in later, crazier years, he thought things like the color of the deck or which seat he was in were having a negative effect on his situation.
They weren’t. He was just a loser.
The oblivious man: Has no idea he’s a tool, but everyone else around the table knows it. So why is he always invited? Two reasons - he’s usually good for money, and sometimes we just need the warm body at the table. So these guys worm their way into games, thinking they’re your friend, inviting you to non-poker events like birthday parties and the like, and you just look at each other in disbelief that someone can be so - oblivious. I could go on for pages and pages about this guy, but if I get started I’ll drive myself crazy and have horrible flashbacks, so I’m moving on.
The Outlander: This guy isn’t a regular, but he overheard someone talking about the game, and hey, just so happens to know how to play poker also! So someone feels obligated to ask him to join in one week, and that’s how he finds a spot at your green-felt battleground on Saturday night. And, in my experience, the Outlander always has a damn chip on his shoulder - like he’s gonna hustle all us regulars. Most of the time they lose or break even, if only because we all know each other’s games and he’s coming in blind. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s fun to have new blood at the table, and the better they are the more fun the games are…but they’re still Outlanders.
The comic relief: He plays, he wins a little, he loses a little, he’s there mostly for the laughs, though. And it’s not so much how he plays that’s hilarious, it’s his general comments and demeanor. Like, I don’t know, showing up one night in a big purple raincoat, or having to write out little IOU notes when he runs out of money (we didn’t have chips back then, only quarters and dimes).
The apartment: This guy is a regular, but it’s more because you know he’s got a place that isn’t regulated by parents. Which means as long as your parents (remember, this was back in high school) will let you stay out until whenever, it’s time to load up on the Taco Bell and Mountain Dew and get to it. Funny, in our circle, the apartment was also the comic relief.
The challenger: There’s usually at least 2 people at the table that are really good, and that beneath the jokes and the steotyping, take the game seriously. I like to think I’m one of them. The other one at our table was a great challenge, very good at math and calculating, but just unpredictable enough to throw you when trying to find a pattern in his gameplay. I miss playing against him. There are always other challengers, but like a true love, it’s the first one you remember forever.
And I’ll close with one of the great quotes from “Rounders,” which seems relevant here. “If you can’t spot the sucker after 30 minutes at the table….you are the sucker.”
Feelin’ cool at the card table
July 20, 2008
What does it take for you to feel cool at the card table? Not shivering cool, you can crack a window in the winter for that. Or hold up a beer that’s been in the freezer to your face for a few seconds. No, I mean, slick…happening…”the man.”
Poker VS. Round 3: Blackjack
July 13, 2008
Poker VS: Round 3 – Blackjack
Man, you’d think poker was pulling a Brett Favre for how long it’s been since toppling over spades in it’s last VS. bout, when it brought it’s record to a respectable 1-1 over Spades. But that’s not the case, poker never retired, it just laid low for a while, and now it’s ready to return and compete against the Chicago Bears…er….Blackjack.
Here we go! As is always the case, poker’s scoring has already been determined, so the new content you’ll see is under the blackjack sections.
LEARING THE GAME
POKER: At the most surface level, it’s fairly easy once you know the different poker hands. Two from your hand, three community cards totals your best 5-card poker hand. Grading scale 5/10
BLACKJACK: Well, it can get a bit tricky with blackjack. Learning the game is cake, mastering the game takes real talent and some card-counting abilities, as well. But since those would fall under another category, all I can scale this on is your ability to count to 21. 1/10
UNDERSTANDING THE GAME
POKER: Hold ‘em games, much moreso than draw games, rely mostly on odds and statistics, instead of knowing what the keep and what to drop. So, really, under this category of the skill, if you understand what hands are more difficult to achieve in a hold ‘em game, you’ve already got a leg up against the competition. 3/10 BLACKJACK: Blackjack’s understanding comes mostly from decision making and situational betting, which I’ll go into more in the next section since it more or less falls under that category. However, there is one thing you do need to understand when sitting at a blackjack level. It’s a universal rule that applies at the tables regardless of the stakes. If you make a wrong move, all your former allies at the table are going to be pissed off at you, and it can go 1 of 2 ways. Either 1, you bust yourself and everyone assumes your wrong play is going to screw up their upcoming cards (like they would’ve just magically received 21 anyway), or 2, you get the card you needed, you momentarily look like a genius, but then the next player busts and you’re on everyone’s shit list again. However, to be fair to the game, knowing when to hit, stand, split, etc… is complicated and involved. They don’t make cheat tables for nothing. 8/10
BETTING/PLAYING SKILL:
POKER: Poker’s playing skill is dominated by intelligent betting, which is why these two different areas are combined into one. Taking control of the table with a power bet, throwing others a curve with a curious check, etc… (the list goes on and on) take talent, experience and balls (I sat here for 2 minutes trying to think of a better word to use, but I really couldn’t…sad). Aside from betting, poker players must be able to figure how their hidden hand plays not only against the community cards, but also against what other might be holding (of which betting from them can be a reveal to the contents of these hands, as well). 9/10
BLACKJACK: So far in it’s two rounds, poker has been king in this category, as it should. In blackjack, betting matters, but it’s only for yourself and only to make money. Isn’t that always the point you ask? Of course, but better can become a powerful gameplay and persuasion tool in poker and other games, as well. Not so in blackjack. Betting falls under a couple categories here, knowing what type of increased or decreased denominations to bet, usually determined by how you win or lose. Different players have different systems here, and I’ve personally witnessed a couple that really worked well. The second area of betting is during double downs, where the decision isn’t even how much to bet, it’s just to accept the double down at all. 3/10
READING PEOPLE
POKER: Well, this is pretty much what the game is famous for after the gold bracelets and sunglasses. If you got it, you got it…and oh boy does it make a difference. 10/10
BLACKJACK: Well, considering you’ll see 95% of the cards that are in play during each hand, there’s not a whole lot of reading people going on. And for that one dealer card that’s hidden, let’s just say if you’re trying to read it at any point, you can pretty much guarantee you’re leaving the casino with no money and a broken hand…and maybe a dirty look from Don Rickles. 0/10.
LUCK
POKER: Luck? LUCK??? Blasphemy, you say. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Even the champs will tell you, there is SOME luck in poker. No more evident that the cruel, cruel river. Luck detracts from skill, so poker gets a -3 here. Minus 3
BLACKJACK: Even with knowing how to bet, in my opinion (and I’m certainly no expert) the cards themselves play a huge role in your success. You’re not playing against the man, you’re playing against the odds and the cards, so the luck of the draw (and the cut), and if you’re “lucky” enough to have players next to you that know when to hit or stand, is more or less the determining factor as to whether you win or lose. Granted, you need to know how to play the game, you can have all the luck in the world but you’re still going home a chump if you keep hitting on 17, but assuming you’re well versed in the gameplay decisions involved, the only thing left for you is to get those cards you need. Minus 5.
Final Score:
POKER: 24
BLACKJACK: 7
Wow, poker cruises to a 2-1 overall record, and blackjack sets what might stand up as the all-time low in scoring. Hell, even monopoly would beat a 7. Sorry blackjack gurus, maybe the scoring system puts your game at an undeserved disadvantage, but when you step into the ring with poker, looks like you’re getting abused.
HIT ME!
The Cincinnati Kid
June 29, 2008
WARNING — MOVIE SPOILERS INCLUDED IN ARTICLE
Last weekend, I had the pleasure of viewing The Cincinnati Kid for the first time. I can’t for the life of me explain how this gem slipped through the cracks, especially since I’m such a fan of poker movies, not to mention cinema in general. Had I seen it a few months ago, you can bet I’d have included a few choice quotes for my movie quote article…ones like.
“You’re just not ready for me yet.”
And…
“You’re good, kid. But as long as I’m around, you’ll always be No. 2.”
And….
“I can get the money.” “I know you can, kid.”
I can’t praise the setting, that “classic movie feel”, and the stellar performances that highlight this flick. Of course, Steve McQueen plays The Cincinnati Kid”…but the supporting cast of Karl Malden, Rip Torn (you’d never recognize him) and Ann Margaret light up the screen with memorable and passionate characters.
I was really in awe of how great a job the movie does at showing the poker players unspoken interaction. The “Pig” character sweating and clutching his money. The “man” faking a back injury to give the appearance that he was becoming weak. The doctor calculation poker odds on a notebook between every round of betting. And, of course, the cool, slick blank stares from the Kid. Great stuff.
The movie is great, though, for two reasons.
First, McQueen is a bad ass. No secret, but worth pointing out. He has such an amazing screen presence, and is one of the best in history at acting with his eyes, something so subtle but so key to making his role in this movie. I probably could’ve sat through 3 more hours of McQueen just staring at his opponents with different faces because of how cool it is.
Second, the movie’s about poker. From start to finish. Crazy, huh? A poker movie exclusively about poker. Don’t get me wrong, movies like Maverick (more of an action/comedy) and Rounders (more of a drama) are superb movies in their own right, but they can’t hold a candle to The Cincinnati Kid as a poker movie. It’s kinda like how The Sting is about “the sting” almost from start to finish. It doesn’t mess around and doesn’t lead you off onto too many other tangents. That’s what I love about “Kid.”
Seriously, if you’re at all a fan of poker and movies, you want to see “The Cincinnati Kid.” However, I will say personally that I was somewhat disappointed in the ending. Not necessarily because of what happened to Kid (you can’t help but root for him despite his flaws and mistakes), but because it just ended….right at the end of the big game. I wanted more, more aftermath, more resolution. Something more.
One other nice little benefit to seeing a classic movie like this, is you can then revisit more recent movies you’ve seen that have drawn influence from it and match up the scenes. The major example of this for me was a movie made a few years ago called Shade. It’s about a completely different aspect of poker (mainly being good at cheating), but there are some exchanges between the main character and The Duke in Shade that are almost carbon copies of exchanges between The Cincinnati Kid and Lacey Howard, aka “The Man.”
I think I enjoyed spotting these scenes as much as I enjoyed the acting and gameplay in the movie itself. Another thing I enjoyed was that the Kid wasn’t a hustler, at least I didn’t get the sense that he was being portrayed as such in this movie. He had a solid reputation and was just making his way as a hell of a poker player. Ain’t that the American dream, right? 
So, “The Cincinnati Kid” now sits near the top, if not at the top, of my list of poker movies. For straight poker action and classic entertainment, it doesn’t get much better. I’m guessing many kids walked out of this movie back in the day wanting to become poker players.
We, the Jury….raise $1,000!
June 15, 2008
Let me backtrack a little bit and walk you through the process. Federal Court, so I’m “on call”, which means I didn’t have a set day that I definitely had to show up, instead I had to call in every night for a two-week period in which a recording would tell me whether I had to show up at 8 a.m. the next morning.
As luck would have it, I didn’t have to wait very long, and got called in on Day 2.
I also was selected in the first group of potential jurors to go in for jury selection on the court’s first case of the day. Everyone is so stoned-face at first…keeping their cards close to their chest. The lawyers - to the judges, to themselves, to the defendants and to us - are stoic as can be.
Anyway, at the end of the process, both the prosecution and defense gave me a somewhat disappointing “accept”, and the rest is history. Just call me juror #5. Actually, you can call me Foreman, since that’s what the other jurors decided.
This trial gave me a taste of how lawyers act toward you…and it was SO much like judging a competitor across the poker table. They know what they’re holding, and you both know they know what they’re holding…but their job is still to make you believe one way or another, or at the early stages just not reveal anything at all.
Then there was the unique angle of the prosecution acting as his own laywer. So, he had a tougher job of being directly connected to the event in question, and thus had to work even hard to convey a certain emotion or make a certain point. In other words, he couldn’t really “check raise” the same as the other professional lawyers could.
Then you come to the judge. The judge has not only a vested interest in wearing his best poker face throughout the proceedings, but he has a legal duty to do so. He can’t be seen or heard siding with either the prosecution or defense in terms of emotion or personal opinion…so he needs to keep his cards held tight to his black robe…hell he even has to play blind sometimes.
The court system does a very good job of holding your hand as a juror, knowing you probably haven’t been through any of this before and are quite impressionable…and most of this instruction comes from the judge. So if he at any point believes one side is holding a winning hand — and then through a gesture or passing comment or even a facial expression lets you as the jury know it — it would pretty much be a horrid breakdown of our judicial system as we know it.
Needless to say, this veteran judge was a master as keeping us in the dark as to what he was thinking. He was not only reserved in manner, but he was extremely patient, as well. Another key talent of a winning poker player, and something that can be harder to teach than betting, reading people or anything else.
I would not want to be facing the judge in a no-limit hold ‘em tournament. Either he’d clean me out or I’d win and end up going to jail. Either way, not so preferable.
And finally, I felt an obligation as a juror to wear my best poker face throughout the trial, as well. (Although it was difficult to hide my boredom during some of the more tedious parts). First, you don’t want something you say or your body language to affect how other jurors perceive the case thus far — it’s almost the same principle of not discussing the facts of the case until you’re actually in the deliberation room. Second, as a juror, you end up wanting to keep your feelings secret until the very end…it’s just the way it’s done.
I really found a strong connection between a courtroom and a poker table. The entire judicial process was new and interesting to me, but the similarity between a game of cards and a civil suit made me shake my head in absolute amazement.
