Such little patience

November 2, 2007

So, I’ve complained already about the guy who gets up every 10 minutes during a card game for every reason under the sun, but there’s someone out there who’s even worse than that. Someone who, although not on purpose, can find a way to grate me down to a collection of shredded irritation and leave me totally thrown off my game for the entire night.

That person? The slow player.

And I’m not referring to the guy who flips his hand one card at a time to make you think he has a pair when he really has trips.

I mean, the slowwwwwwwwwwwww player at the table.

You know all about this person. Strikes up conversation with people during the betting, doesn’t follow his hand well and then has to take the time on his own turn to decipher what his cards are….the list goes on and on.

Now, I like having some drinks and chattering at the card table as much as anyone. Home games (for the most part) should be about relaxing and having a good time on the weekends.

But for heaven’s sake, speed it up, Charlie!

Maybe it’s just me, but when I’m playing cards, I like to keep the action moving. You can talk and bet. You can talk and follow the game. You don’t need to be the speed bump every time around the table, do you?

I might sound bitter, but this guy (or girl) or whomever it is at your home game (everyone has – or had – one) needs to shape up or not be invited back. Here’s why:

1.) There’s nothing people dislike more than someone who acts like they don’t know what’s going on….or someone who really doesn’t know what’s going on half the time….and then ends up taking everyone’s money when the hand’s over.

I know, I know, more power to him. But that’s crap. If your head isn’t in the game, you should be forced to forfeit your cards. That’s right, plain and simple. Automatic fold. Be more attentive next time. Hey, I spent all this time and effort trying not to smile away my straight….the least you can do is put the same effort toward your full house before you take my money.
Ultimately, this one is a losing battle.

2.) Pacing. Always getting stuck on the same person and not keeping a good, quick pace to the night is a problem for me. Actually the problem is that I have little patience for anything in life, and unfortunately that wonderful character trait carries over to poker, as well. But, if one guy is constantly holding up the game, it throws me off. I start zeroing in on why this guy can’t follow the game or hold his chatter until just after he’s bet or called or whatever. I know I should have better self-control here, but I don’t. And I would imagine there’s many others out there who feel the same way.

For this one, I guess you need to know where the line is. If you’re playing more of a “social” low-stakes game, you may have to bite the bullet and go with the flow. But if you’re playing a regular, money game, there’s no excuse for this garbage. Play faster, follow the game.

Whew! Looking back at that, it’s one of my more animated, negative write-ups. But that’s fine, it needed to be said. And if the one person I’ve been keeping in mind when writing this happens to read this here…good. Shape up, buddy!

If you really can’t stand the slow paced game, then visit Full Tilt Poker where the action is split second fast.